God's strongest soldier

Sometimes the plateau is worse than the fall

I have purposefully avoided almost any and all faith talk throughout my writing journey and online representations of myself.

Both consciously and unconsciously.

It is often said that to know love you must be willing to be vulnerable, to bare yourself wholeheartedly and to place the highest stake on a bet that might leave you with less than you already had. To know God conjures the same fears that Love does.

It's just so stripping.

And as much as I denote myself as an open, oversharing, compensating people pleaser, to constantly fall short of pleasing God is not as glamorous as a blog may accommodate. But here goes.

It's one thing to express yourself and devote your talents to realising the kingdom of God after the fact; the fact being salvation, baptism, being able to speak in tongues, making oaths to sobriety and abstinence, distancing or severing allegiances to people and places you'd frequent in, silencing the devil’s advocate.

But what if you’re still in the wilderness?

When the sacrifice is more potent than the honour of a calling, you become acclimatised to the discomfort, you’re numb to wisdom and sit in a rhythm with lots of religion and no relationship.

But God still loves you, so you retain most of your privileges because He’s gracious like that. And He does so, all the while knowing that your vision is skewed and that your faith is contingent; that you see religion as a meal ticket to financial freedom and a family by 27, that Sunday mornings are a drag, that you only turn to Him when your heart has been broken (but if you read your Bible you’d know that he warned you not to awaken love until it so desires. (SoS 8: 4)). Anyways, I'm rambling. There is a point to this post.

Ultimately, the life of a lukewarm Christian is for the weak. Not because of the absence of strength but the denial of potential. So stop that.

But it's not that easy you say, hence why you’re stuck. Same here.

I like to apply the model of spectra to many things. Political alignment, gender and even faith. The former two are notably things of culture and not scripture but stay with me. The pull of your flesh is not only physical; there are thought-patterns that stifle your growth as much as outward, lifestyle habits. People often cite the prayer point of refinement or the removal of ‘who is not for you’ as a high-risk summoning of the Holy Spirit. However, the prayer to help your unbelief is perhaps not as brave but to me, is the most humble. Sometimes your lack of faith is symptomatic of insecurity. You don’t doubt the existence of the power of God, but doubt that you are listed as worthy of His favour. Well you’re not. 

We can fully embrace God’s love only when we recognise how completely unworthy of it we are.

Ann Tatlock

Still, you wait anxiously on the fruit whilst enduring the harvest. If there’s one thing every believer knows, whether seasoned or still searching, the cold of the wilderness is better than the comfort of the world.

Yet the pain itself is a call.

Being God’s strongest soldier simply means you’ve caught His eye (she says with tears in her eyes). Nonetheless, trust that the lines of communication are still there even if they are frustratingly coded in language you do not yet understand or you keep forgetting the access code. Truthfully, there is no limit on the password attempts afforded to you in order to access the fullness of yourself in Him - providing you don’t abuse it. 

The process is pruning but to grow is to exercise grit, tire yourself of your own habits and… I don’t know what else. Message me if you have the answers.